Monday, October 10, 2011

Reality Check

This post underwent several title changes from "The Day I Decided to Stop Sabotaging my Diet" to "Sucking it Up and Using Some Willpower" and "The Day My Pants Didn't Button and I Felt Disgusting".

According to the scale (which I know I should not be using, but curiosity gets the best of me) I am officially at my heaviest yet. I didn't need a scale to tell me this, the way my clothes fit spoiled it far in advance.  About a year ago was when I started seeing a trainer and following a diet. I started that journey 17 pounds lighter than I am now, and at my best on that diet I was 25 pounds lighter that I am now.  25 pounds. Where did I go wrong since last November??

I acknowledge that, as with most people, my battle with food is entirely in my head. I'm not actually hungry, but my mind gets hell-bent on grabbing that snack or dessert. It becomes all I can think about until I satisfy that craving. I also believe that my personal issue is heightened by my OCD. Yes, I'm aware this all sounds crazy but I know it's a reality for me and plenty of others.  I use food as an escape from the stress of my life, and recently I've been turning to really terrible foods that I shouldn't have even tried in the first place (like ice cream, pizza, sandwiches, bakery cookies, candy... basically carb and sugar heaven). This behavior is shocking to my pre-diet self.

Before my diet journey I had far less issues with food. I ate what I then believed to be "healthy".  Back then it was low calorie foods like veggies, fruits, and chicken, but I also included whole grains like oatmeal, artificial sweetener, and processed, low calorie foods. Nonetheless, I struggled far less to keep my diet in check. If it wasn't "good" for me, I didn't go near it. Usually I would tell myself that if it contained more than a certain amount of calories or didn't have a certain amount of vitamins in it, then I couldn't have it.

Somewhere along the line since then, coincidentally around the time I moved in with the boyfriend, I started veering off track. I'm typically fine with breakfast and lunch (recently, both have been consisting of some combination of zucchini quiche, brussels sprouts and bacon, and some meat cooked in a crock pot), but nighttime kills me. It's as if my brain is screaming "Last call for food! Eat anything and everything!".  After a full day of work/practice/gym/shower/still having hours of work to do, I have a hard time fighting it. I've additionally been convincing myself that I really "deserve" to have that treat for working so hard at work and at the gym. I'm also pretty sure that I've been "celebrating" my new house for about a month now. Yes, I may deserve to treat myself somehow, but rapidly approaching obesity isn't all that satisfying.

At the beginning of summer, I embarked upon a 30-day Paleo challenge. At the end of it I felt so in control of my cravings and my body. I was leaning out, sleeping perfectly, my energy levels were through the roof, stomach issues and headaches were disappearing, and I felt all-around awesome. How did I fall so far backwards since then? Am I really that self-defeating?

Needless to say, the onset of a new 30-day challenge, this time accompanied by a slew of my favorite gym friends, is perfect timing for me. I'm more than ready to pick myself back off the floor and get a fresh start. In case you missed my first challenge, here are the guidelines:
  • Each meal should consist of vegetables, meats, and healthy fats.
  • Fruits and nuts/seeds are also allowed, but since weight loss is my goal, I'm going to start off by cutting these out. 
  • Foods not included: all grains and dairy, anything processed, all added sugars, legumes, starches, and alcohol.
The challenge starts on October 15th. My plan is to be over prepared and constantly remind myself that my focus should be on having a healthy, primal lifestyle. Just like last time, I'm not sure how I will be utilizing the blog for this, but you should be hearing from me every now and then. If this lifestyle changed my life once, I'm certain it can do it again. Wish me luck!


Jamie said...

You can do this, Kate!! I think we need to start some sort of blog where we all post what we eat during the challenge. :D That way we're accountable to each other.

Alli said...

October 15th- one last drank at your house warming before the challenge! I know you can do it!
I definitely sabotage my diets, and life has been a little crazy for you lately, but you'll get right back on track :)

Kate said...

Thanks, Jamie :)

I love that idea! I have a feeling I'm going to need something like that to help keep me honest this time around.

Kate said...

see how strategically I planned the party? muahaha

thanks oods.. i hope so :)

Melissa said...

I know what you mean. I've been in a funk lately with not having a job, and then the terrible eating just makes me feel even more terrible!! It's hard to get out of the "I deserve it" mindset you have to train yourself to think, "my body deserves to FEEL its best!!" and Keep us posted on the blog with how the diet goes!!

Klinenator said...

Me having to gain weight and you wanting to lose weight is not a good combination

Steve said...

I think you are all set up for success with this challenge. A bunch of us are doing it, so you have the group-encouragement thing going. Plus, don't think of it as focusing on what you *can't* eat. Think of it as a license to eat as much as you want from the protein/good-fats/veggies categories. Obviously, there's a whole list of "don't" foods in the challenge, but there is no need to be hungry at all. If you properly fill up on good fats, animal protein and veggies, you won't *need* to snack. And if you feel like snacking, just eat more of the good stuff. Calorie in/calories out is totally wrong, but you know that already. Eat good stuff till you're full. I think a lot of this way of eating is just planning out how much food to bring with you to work, cooking in advance, etc. We are all cheering you on.

Kate said...

Steve - I had to retrieve your comment from my spam box for some reason... but I'm so glad I did! You always have such practical advice and motivation :) Thank you so much!

I need to find a veggie that I like snacking on (in addition to my favorite brussels sprouts because making a quadruple batch of them is apparently still not enough). I think I'll also try hard-boiling a bunch of eggs. Looking forward to jumping into this thing with a group!